In the days and weeks that followed losing our unborn child, Judah, I immersed myself in gardening like a mad woman. I had good reason too! Staying in the house seemed so confining and confusing. Stacks of bills, piles of dishes and mountains of laundry offered no encouragement, only a cruel reminder of everything undone, unfinished and depressing. Being outside was better fresh air was healthy and the kids loved being outside as well so they were less difficult to deal with. My garden needed all the help it could get anyway and I wanted to feel like I could fix something. I worked furiously taking out my frustrations on the weeds. I benefited from being with the kids outside in hearing them play with each other and laugh together. I felt a sense of accomplishment in planting-at least I could still grow tomatoes-it gave me a sense of control when everything else felt like it was out of whack. I decided to put in some roses alongside the fence in the back yard. I just happened to buy five-one for each of us Caleb remarked.
One evening while Caleb was weeding in the front yard, he called me out to see something. Look over there, as he pointed to the front corner of the rockery. There was a tiny little maple seedling with two perfect leaves. I thought it was odd, so did Caleb, there aren't any Maple trees close by-where had it come from? It's perfectly shaped tiny leaves made me think of our tiny unborn child as tears filled my eyes. A few days later I put it in a pot and it is now growing strong with a dozen more leaves. Perhaps it will become a strong tall shade tree near a house we will build someday.