I had always thought that families with two children were not really considered a large family. Three children were the definition of a big family to me. While not horribly large, the children outnumbered the parents as well as how many jobs the parents could reasonably hold in order to provide for their children if needed. As many have put it, when you have three children, you go from man-on-man to zone defense. Yet, here we were 7 weeks into expecting our fourth child and getting excited. We had already talked about names and picked the ones we liked. It was a done deal and we had a peace about it. I told Caleb that although this child had been a surprise, it was no an accident that God had decided to bless us with another child.
That Monday morning, 7 weeks along , something just wasn’t right though. I called Marla, who is a nurse at the clinic and told her my concerns, and she reassured me that it probably meant nothing and to just relax. Still something wasn’t right and what I though was nothing began to be a looming concern so I called the clinic and they had me come in. My midwife Sherrie answered some questions before performing an ultrasound that showed a healthy little baby, with a strong heartbeat. What a relief it was to see our child with my own eyes, safe and sound. Sherrie hugged me and reassured me that sometimes pregnancy has it’s little quirks and sometimes they even persist till delivery but she had delivered plenty of healthy babies despite it all.
I went home and decided to just take it easy for the rest of the day and eagerly awaited Caleb’s return from work so I could show him our babies first ultrasound photo. I hadn’t even told him I had gone in, after all I didn’t want him to worry over what was probably nothing. Better to just show him a healthy baby. He was excited and reassured just as I was that our little Abigail or Judah was thriving. However, the complications continued enough to keep me worrying and I would visit the clinic twice more for two more ultrasounds to be sure. The last ultrasound confirmed bleeding below the baby, but also confirmed it was not from or because of the baby, and that the baby was still fine with a strong heartbeat that I was able to hear. It was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard. Sherrie suggested that I try and stay off my feet and rest as much as I could and that hopefully the problem would resolve itself. She also had me get my lab work done since I was there anyway and suggested I come back Monday for another blood draw to confirm the pregnancy was continuing as it should. By Friday I had horrible cramping and told Caleb it actually felt like I was in labor, which he quickly dismissed as, of course, I agreed would be impossible this early. I laid low for the rest of the weekend, although it did not seem to ease my discomfort at all and I began to worry about the baby. I felt like I was ignoring my family and just being lazy, not the kind of mom you’d celebrate on mother’s day, which by then it was. At one point as I laid in bed I thought to myself, I just don’t feel pregnant anymore, something is wrong. I had made it through the weekend, however and went to the clinic Monday for the second blood draw, went back home and waited for the nurse to call with the results. The nurse didn’t call, instead Sherrie was on the line with news that my hormone levels had dropped drastically-I had miscarried our child, and I knew he had left us sometime the day before- Mother’s Day.
Hi, I'm Sharon
...and these are my adventures as a mom, as a musician, and as a writer using my creative abilities to navigate this life. It is my hope that in some way my life is an encouragement to you. Come join me as I strive to embrace contentment and gratitude amidst this busy, exhausting and wonderful life.